Stranger Danger.


My mornings continue to turn into nights as I allow myself to be engrossed with the idea of having you in my life. No matter how far-fetched it may seem, how unfathomable the chances are, and how ridiculous this concept of us in my mind, I can't help it. 

Shit. What have I gotten myself into?

I have been in an internal mayhem for weeks and I am quite adamant to be writing things about you even though I know this is pointless in the sense that you won’t even get to read this or you won't even figure out that this is for you. You won’t even realize you made me feel this way.

But then again, dear stranger. What the heck right?

Your eccentric and not-so-subtle ways of hitting on me left me so intrigued on what move you're going to make next. The no-fail compliments get me every time because I find it endearing and sweet. I think it was because I haven't had someone show their appreciation for me, as a person, in such a long time. Not that I needed validation from others but because it just made me feel better about myself. I blame my low self-esteem on this. How you managed to smite me with your words, I absolutely have no explanation for that.

I gave out a self-piteous laugh upon realizing that what I just said, were just mere assumptions, and a pathetic picture of me falling fast and hard for someone I have no grasp what his personality or character may be.

I feel like I created this hollowness in my heart for nothing. I know it can never be filled. 

I hated it when people say that you can't stop yourself from falling for someone. That when you start to develop feelings for a certain person, you can't dodge the arrow when it hits you right in the chest. It's true.

But there is also another truth: we can stop it. I can stop it. Of course, I can stop myself from these recurring thoughts of you. I just have to keep myself busy. But whenever I try to listen to new songs, it just reminded me of you. Does the stranger like to listen to these types of songs? Whenever I try to check the book I've put off reading for weeks, you still cross my mind. This guy's character reminded me so much of him. Whenever I'd catch a scent, I always wonder how you smell. Before I go to sleep at night, I keep making up stories about you and me in my head. I see you with me in places I want to go. I see you even in my dreams.

And then I wake up.

I wake up feeling like someone just punched me in the gut.

This is wrong in all ways and on so many levels. It almost put me to tears thinking why do I keep on wishing these moments in my head to happen when I know they never will. Accompanied with a realization that he is just a figment of my imagination. Of course, he is real but I don’t even know if this stranger is exactly who I deemed him to be.

Ugh.

Well, I guess that is what life is trying to teach me. Lessons that this isn’t supposed to be called “falling in love” but a common case of an overwhelming infatuation. That I have an absolute minor basis to think that anything grand can happen and that I will never be able to find a sensible reason or a tinge of hope that he might feel the same way for me ― strongly. 

So for now, I will continue to marvel at the picture of you and me in my head, until it fades away.

Take care, stranger. 

Take care, and goodbye.





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