This too shall pass.

It’s almost three months since I had my accident and on most days, where I'm alone at home, I sit and wonder what would I be doing if I didn’t have the accident? Where would I be? 

Every time I’m on a bus while on my way to therapy, and my eyes would wander elsewhere, people walking or running on sidewalks will usually catch my attention. 

Damn, I can do that before. Now, I can't. Fuck I hate that my knee still hurts during therapy and there's still a part in it that swells. When will this be over? I want it to heal so I can function like a normal person already. 

That's what I would usually think about. Admittedly, I do feel a tinge of jealousy seeing people go to places where I also want to go, or thinking about my friends meeting somewhere without me but I really try hard not to entertain that thought just to stop myself from breaking down. I was perfectly functioning and in one blink of an eye, something in me broke. I always tend to fret over that thought but I'm quite surprised at myself that somehow, I am accepting of my situation too. This happens to some people. Accidents are unavoidable. No one has ever seen this coming. 

I sometimes feel like I'm exaggerating with the way I see and feel things about my situation because I know other people have it worse but then I remind myself that I'm also struggling. And other people’s struggle does not have to invalidate mine because I also have the right to express them. We all have different ways of coping. We have our own battles and we fight them our own way. 

And this is how I do mine. 

So let me. Let me complain (online) relentlessly of the pain and struggle I'm in, or how I find it funny walking around with a crutch for support. Let me whine about how I want to go to malls or parks but can't because my leg is unable to handle walking over long distances. Let me annoy you with my constant cry for wanting to punch my knee whenever it bothers me, because we know this is just temporary. This too shall pass.

love, yaniee

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